Friday, December 17, 2010

What's Your Intimacy Phobia Score?

“Our fear of intimacy…inspires ingenious ways of avoiding it.”
Intimacy requires that we unmask ourselves and become vulnerable and risk rejection. Because of this, many people fear intimacy.
Do you find that you’re afraid to establish and maintain close relationships with other people, or that you put up walls that prevent people from getting too emotionally close to you?
Have you ever found yourself having many friendships—but avoiding one close personal relationship with someone?
Do you ever become overly involved in work or use work as an excuse not to hang out with others? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, it’s been ____ days and other than work, I haven’t really had any contact with anyone.”?
If you answer yes to more than two of these, then you may have a fear of intimacy.
But what exactly is it that people are afraid of? Fear of intimacy comes in many forms and can manifest itself in any of the following ways:

  • Fear of failure: What if this relationship doesn’t work out?
  • Fear of being vulnerable: Is it worth subjecting myself to hurt and emotional pain?
  • Fear of rejection: I’ve been rejected before, I can’t go through that again.
  • Fear of being smothered in the relationship: What if I lose my identity?
  • Fear of sex: What if he/she disapproves of my body?
  • Fear of losing someone we love: What happens if I fall in love and he/she breaks up with me?
  • Fear of abandonment: What if he/she leaves me alone?
  • Fear of being “found out”: He/she will find out who I really am and won’t love me anymore. No one can possibly love me because of all my flaws.
 Are you afraid to be intimately close with another person? Take the intimacy phobia quiz here to find out your intimacy score. Be sure to save your results and to share them with your partner!
© Kelly J. Welch, Family Life Now (2/e). Boston: Pearson Education.
Photo Credit: Fortimbras (flickr.com)

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