Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Love Is More Than a Dare

Love is a funny thing…it’s probably the strongest feeling we can experience, yet no two people experience it in the same way.

It can keep us up all night because of a fiery-hot, erotic/ludic/manic attraction to someone, or it can keep us up all night because of a child who is fiery-hot with fever.

Everyone carries an internal map of “love,” a “list” of those components that make up their one-of-a-kind definition of love. If all goes according to plan, our love partner knows each aspect of our love map (and how it was written), and pays careful attention to our unique characterization of love.

If at any point in time any part of our love map is violated (intentionally or not), the love relationship is threatened. This is why it’s so crucial to know one another’s love map—it’s impossible to meet a partner’s love needs if we don’t know what “love” is to that person!

It is from the earliest of all relationships—our parent-infant relationship and the attachment that takes place—that our ability and capacity to love (and allow others to love us) is shaped and molded.

And remember: Since love is a process that undergoes change over time, your definition of love is constantly under construction!  To experience consummate love, lovers need to every so often remind one another of their love maps (not during an argument. That would definitely fall into the timing-is-everything category!).

Let’s look back to the story of the young woman in the hospital, because this real-life story really has everything that an enduring, long-lasting, love relationship is all about.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

We've Moved!! Come on Over to the New Site!

Hi Everyone! 

Well, my computer engineer son (not married by the way....I'm taking applications!) surprised me for Christmas and designed me a new web site for my blog!

Please stop in for a visit!

Thank you ever so much for your support and encouragement! I promise to keep delivering you the best information I can to help ensure the success of your relationships!

Let me know when you stop by!  And as always, keep the emails coming about the kinds of topics you'd like to see me write about!

Luv ya!
Kelly :)

Photo Credit: jreedphotography (

Monday, December 27, 2010

Please Stow Your Baggage Away--Permanently

Not long ago I was at the grocery store picking up a few odds and ends. It was one of those hurried I’ve-got-to-get-this-done-right-now-no-matter-what kind of trips to the grocery store because I was providing end-of-life care for my dad, and I had to get back to him as quickly as possible.

Making my way to the check out lane, I saw a friend…and I immediately ducked into a different aisle so I didn’t have to see her (I told myself it was because I was in a hurry, and maybe that was partially true…but I think in reality I didn’t want her to see me in my disheveled state).

Of course she saw me (isn’t that the way it always works?!).

She approached me and before I even had a chance to say hi she said, “Oh my God, Kelly. What. Is. Going. On? You look terrible. Talk to me, something is wrong.”

[Okay. I know I was tired, but I didn’t think I looked that bad.]

Anyway, I told her that my dad was ill and didn’t have much longer to live…and she didn’t buy it. She knew me well enough to know that there was a whole lot more going on than I was telling her.

So she pushed further (like good friends do) and said, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on. But I’m telling you this right now: This is the kind of stress that will bring your cancer back. You either find a way to deal with it, or you won’t live to see your grandbabies.

I can’t write here what my immediate thoughts were because the thoughts included some very sailor-like language.

But I let her words soak in for a few seconds.

And she was right. My dad’s illness was just the tip of the iceberg. I was dealing with a lot of emotional baggage. A lot.

Trapped emotions—baggage—are emotionally charged events from the past that still haunt you. And, just like trying to schlep a too-heavy bag through the airport weighs you down and slows you down, so do these trapped emotions.

Trapped emotions create lots of problems.


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wine Wednesday for the Ladies: Your [Bondage] Sexual Fantasies

Wine Wednesday for the Ladies:
What Are Your Sexual Fantasies?

Sexual Desire. Sexual Response. Sexual Fantasies.

Ladies, when it comes to sex we are comp. li. ca. ted.

Mucho. Much. Very.

We do have sexual fantasies, and we do fantasize about bondage. But much to the fellas’ disappointment, we don’t frequently daydream about the dominatrix-whip-gurl type of bondage.

Sisters, our sexual fantasies are almost always about emotional bonding.