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| Flipping houses? Flipping marriages? |
If couples don’t have this realistic expectation going into their marriages—knowing that passionate love will fizzle—it’s a very real possibility that when this romantic love gives way, partners (especially gals) no longer “feel” that they’re in love.
I think this is one of the reasons why we’re seeing an increase in a frightening new trend, that of starter marriages. Starter marriages—a first marriage that lasts five years or less and ends before a couple has children—are on the rise in the US and Europe.
One researcher writes about starter marriages here. The author is spot on when she says that today’s couples get sucked into “matrimania” (the planning of the gazillion dollar wedding), and that they don’t give much thought to the marriage that comes after the wedding.
These marriages are kind of like flipping houses. You know, the trend where people purchase a little fixer upper, pour love and attention and resources into it, and then get out of it—hoping to make a profit? Hoping to benefit somehow from the experience?
Take this from a TLC junkie: People who try to flip houses almost always discover that it’s much harder to do than they thought. Much. Harder.
Seeing young adults’ marriages trend in this direction worries me quite a bit, because these marriages aren’t benign, innocuous experiences. Make no mistake about it: These types of relationships carry lasting effects, because they etch yet another mark on the love map.
Could this matrimania/starter marriage craze be the result of passionate love? I’m betting yes.
Have you ever heard of starter marriages? What’s your opinion about them?
Ive definitely seen this first hand! A lot of people look at how the media influences our behavior and were seeing more and more of this trend in it.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds ridiculous to use a marriage as a means to get to something better, it's almost like using someone to get to their parent's money. I think it is true that women do tend to not 'feel' it anymore, this has happened to me once before after being together for 18 months, when I really think it was that she didn't know what she wanted, I'm getting off topic but I don't unerstand why people would waste the money, the heartache and the time into something that really isn't going to pay off. Just wait until you know you are ready and that you know they are ready to be married instead of looking at what others are doing and feeling a push to be married.
ReplyDelete@Blake--I couldn't agree more about media influences. You know, of course, that I LOVE watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Four Weddings."
ReplyDeleteEvery week I am FLOORED at how many women spend $10,000+ on a wedding gown! And how some couples spend over $70,000 on a WEDDING?
Just to PRACTICE it?!
@Garrettb--
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better. It's VERY common for the initial feelings of love to wear off within about 3 years.....so does that mean couples should wait past that time to become engaged or to marry?
I'm with you 100%---I don't understand going into something with an "oh well, if it doesn't work there's always next time...."
I think it's a very dangerous trend, because EVERY relationship we have influences our marriages some day!