Couple Challenge: Your Intimacy Needs

All forms of intimacy develop over time, and keeping that intimacy once it’s developed requires nurturing attention to the relationship. Print this off and fill in your answers to the questions, have your partner do the same.

Get together in a quiet setting and talk about your answers together.

When we are emotionally close, I feel _____________________________.

I would describe our intellectual closeness as ___________________________.

As far as intimacy in our relationship is concerned, I am most satisfied when ________________________________________________________.

I am least comfortable about our relationship when ______________
_______________________________________________________.

When you express your emotions and feelings, it makes me __________

______________________________________________________________.

When you express physical closeness, it makes me _______________
____________________________________________________________.

Spiritual closeness is ______________________________________________.

When I experience intimacy with you, I feel ____________________________.

When I am with you, my individuality is _________________________________.

Some people resist intimacy. This makes me think _____________________
__________________________________________________________________.

When I reveal my innermost thoughts, feelings, emotions, and fears to you, I expect __________________________________________________.

When you reveal your innermost thoughts, feelings, emotions, and fears to me, it makes me __________________________________________________.

Intimately relating with you might carry a risk of rejection. The possibility of being rejected by you makes me feel ________________________________.

In general, I am trusting of others. This makes me ______________________.

In general, I am not trusting of others. This makes me ____________________.

If I were to sum up the role of intimacy in my life, I would say it is

__________________________________________.

© Kelly J. Welch, Family Life Now (2^nd ed). Boston: Pearson Education.

Photo Credit: Mag3737 (flickr.com)

Everybody's Searchin' for Intimacy

We are relational creatures—we need to be with other people. Even Aristotle once observed that people who don’t want to be emotionally connected to others are either “a beast or a god.”

Yep--everybody's searchin' for intimacy. Everybody's hurtin' for intimacy.

Cover of the Rolling Stone: Intimacy

Cover of the Rolling Stone: "The Unbearable Bradness of Being"

Brad Pitt:  I know all these things are supposed to seem important to us—the car, the condo, our version of success—but if that’s the case, why is the general feeling out there reflecting more impotence and isolation and desperation and loneliness?

If you ask me, I say toss all this—we gotta find something else. Because all I know is that at this point in time, we are heading for a dead-end, a numbing of the soul, a complete atrophy of the [human] being. And I don’t want that.

Rolling Stone:  So if we’re heading toward this kind of…dead-end in society what do you think should happen?

Brad Pitt:  Hey man, I don’t have those answers yet. [My] emphasis now is on success and personal gain. I’m sitting in [success and wealth], and I’m telling you, that’s not it. I’m the guy who’s got everything. I know.

But I’m telling you, once you’ve got everything, then you’re just left with yourself. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it doesn’t help you sleep any better, and you don’t wake up any better because of it.

What's Your Sexual Fantasy Type?

Sexual fantasies fall into four categories.
Take the quiz to determine your
primary fantasy type.

1. Imagine that you are one of four people in a room. One is tied to a bed, one is holding a whip, one is sitting in the corner and one is applying nipple clamps to the recumbent. Which one are you:

a. The one tied to the bed? (P)

b. The one with the whip? (D)

c. The one in the corner? (R)

d. The one applying the clamps? (A)

2. Which of these is closest to your ideal setting for a fantasy?

a. A Venetian brothel (P)

b. A dungeon (D)

c. A bedroom (R)

d. A prison cell (A)

3. Which of the following animals would you choose to feature in your fantasy?

a. A unicorn (P)

b. A snake (D)

c. An octopus (R)

d. A tiger (A)

4. Which of the following eras would you choose as the setting for a fantasy?

a. The present day (P)

b. Victorian (R)

c. Caveman (D)

d. Far future (A)

5. Which of the following toys are featured in your fantasy?

a. Feathers and whipped cream (P)

b. Handcuffs, panty hose, and a necktie (A)

c. Whips and chains (D)

d. Ice cubes and a cold beer (R)

6. Which Disney character are you (female)?

a. Nala (the Lion King) (D)

b. Snow White (R)

c. Sleeping Beauty (P)

d. The Little Mermaid (A)

7. Which Disney character are you (male)?

a. Mufasa (the Lion King) (D)

b. Peter Pan (R)

c. Jack Sparrow (P)

d. Woody (A)

8. Sex in a glass elevator is

a. unsanitary (R)

b. illegal (P)

c. boring (D)

d. exciting (A)

9.  Sex on the beach

a.  can lead to sand crabs in places you can’t reach (R)

b. is an alcoholic drink (P)

c. or in the snow, or in the jungle, or in the rain forest… (A)

d. is better if the beach is rocky (D)

10.  In “Elf,” your favorite quote is

a. Buddy to the fake Santa: You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa. (D)

b. Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie-dough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle. (A)

c. Buddy: I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. (P)

d. Buddy: Ow!!! Son of a nutcracker! (R)