"I have a weakness for, adore, worship, am devoted to, have a passion for, am fond of you!"

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)

Wife. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Teacher. Mentor. Author. Volunteer.  Like you, I have a number of roles that I carry out every day, and each role comes with expectations that almost always make it difficult (impossible?) to balance everything, to get everything done that really has to be done. Sometimes the Lord gets pushed to the end of my day...and, because of my fatigue and stress from the day's events, He sometimes gets the "worst" of me. He gets Martha--anxious, worried, harried, irritated, feverishly serving, aggravated Martha (Luke 10:38-42).     

After having just finished a couple of two huge projects, I was excited that I had some down time, and I began to ask the Lord what I should do next (I know, I know. Sit, Martha, sit).  Almost immediately, the above scripture came to mind. I read and re-read and re-read Jesus' greatest commandment to me--to love God with absolutely everything I am, with everything I have. My calling is to love God. Love Him. With everything.  All.  Holding nothing back. 

At first I thought the scripture was laid on my heart because I had been so busy.  Because of my neglect.  Because of too many Martha moments.  But as I allowed myself to settle in, to be quiet, to be still, I realized the Lord wanted me to focus on loving Him. To focus on what it means to love--God, my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my students--the way He calls me to love. The way He loves.     

     

The next day day I jotted down how many times I use the word "love" to describe how I feel about something.  I "love" God.  I "love" my husband and kids, my family and friends.  I "love" buttered movie popcorn (thank you, Paula Deen, for removing the butter stigma/shame for all of womankind).  I "love" teaching and writing and autumn and the prairie and college football and classical music and Donny Osmond and the Caribbean and hearing a newborn baby cry and Starbuck's iced tea. As I thought about it, it seemed to me that I pretty much "loved" anyone and anything that didn't make me sad or mad...and that didn't make a lot of sense to me. 

So I searched the thesaurus to see how "love" is defined. It looked like the dictionary/thesaurus gurus didn't have any more insight than I did because this crazy little thing called love has been given over 20 different definitions!  Apparently, when I say that I love chocolate, what I'm really saying is that I "have a weakness for" chocolate. That I'm "fond of" chocolate.  And that I'm "devoted to" or "adore" chocolate!   Then it dawned on me. Most of the time I tend to use the word love when I really mean that I prefer something or enjoy something or like something. Back to square one. 

Now, the Greeks were really deep thinkers and paid attention to stuff like this (I attribute this to the fact that, with a name like Aristotle, you really have no choice but to be a philosopher), and they came up with different words to distinguish between the different types of love. But we're not that fortunate--in the English language, we only have one word for love.  When we say "I love you" to someone, we almost always assume that they assign the same meaning or definition to "love" as we do. And for most people, that's the ground-zero problem in their intimate relationships and marriages.

Big.  Huge.  Problem. 

I learned this the hard way.  I had a southern mamma, and a person couldn't walk through the room without her saying "luuuuv ya!"  We were (and still are) a lovey, touchy, kissy, huggy, feely kind of family.  But my husband's family....well, that's another story. Unfortunately, I didn't know this about my husband's upbringing.  So fast forward several months in our dating relationship, to when I had decided it was time someone in the relationship said "I love you." 

I did. First. And he responded. Several seconds later.

"Thanks."  Thanks?  Thanks??!!   I responded.  Several seconds later.  "You're welcome.........I think."  

Over time, he tried to express his love for me. But it always seemed to fall short of what I was accustomed to, what I was taught by my family what love and expressing love is. Hurt, frustration, emptiness, and feelings that my love needs weren't being met, I questioned every aspect of our marriage.  Over time, I realized that the way he loved wasn't his fault. He was expressing his love for me the only way he knew how--the way he was taught to love by his family.  This was the turning point in our young marriage.  

Love isn't something you do--it's an integral part of who you are.  

What are some ways that you were taught to love?  Have you ever considered that love isn't something that you do, but that it's instead a part of who you are?